Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
