That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
