So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
