we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
