I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
did you just send me my own nude
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
