I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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