I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
