If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
