worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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