Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
