just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
