I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
