fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
