My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
