i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
