I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
