you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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