i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
