epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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