whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
