Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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