I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
