problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
