Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
