Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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