yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
