please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
