Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
