question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
