I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
