i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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