Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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