They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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