I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
