had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
