i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
