We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
