you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is my gift to your gina
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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