I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
