Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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