He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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