You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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