I'm drive I can fine osifer
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
