Apparently you make a good broom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
