so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
