Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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