when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
