I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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