he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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