Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
