I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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