Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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