so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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