At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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